Listen Sweetheart,
Put Your Knickers On and Throw Out A Singularity
Alright there’s a slight change of tactic for this blog post.
Basically if you’ve got a a lil’ sumsin sumsin swinging between your legs…or
just tucked up there like a scared dormouse, then thank you very much for
coming, but I need your Wives or Girlfriends. And they’re gonna be all like “Oh
Toolbox, you’re so handsome! Thank you for doing this for us!” And you boys…are
gonna be jealous, and full of hate for me.
But I don’t care.
I love da ladies.
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| My Shepard's motto thanks to MANS1AY3R on YouTube (Mass Effect Poop) |
Right before I crack on, I must stress that this blog post
was suggested by my lovely wife, Mrs Toolbox 24 (Carriecakes), because I keep
going on at her about it and she thinks that my persuasive argument could be
turned onto the interweb for other lovely ladies to enjoy.
But I warn you now, it’s about Mass Effect.
That’s right it is another Mass Effect post, but with a
slight difference. Anybody who has read these blogs in detail will know that
I’m quite in love with the BioWare trilogy for the Xbox 360, PC and now PS3. And
something that I’ve been going on at my Carriecakes for about a year now, is:
“Why don’t you play once I’ve finished my current play-through?”
Now my Carriecakes loves a good game, she’s pretty good as
well, kicking some serious arse in Bully, Left 4 Dead and GTA:IV, but I said to
her that if she really wants a game she can sink her teeth into, then she
should look no further than Commander Shepard.
You see I think what a lot of ladies don’t quite realise
(Carriecakes included) is that Mass Effect is not just a space shoot ‘em up.
Yes it’s a sci-fi, but it isn’t like Star Wars or Star Trek which were good but
come on, pretty campy space operas! This is more gritty, feels more normal
(they even take the piss out of the clichéd “What is this strange human emotion
you call…love?”) the aliens in the game are a bit strange at first, but then
after a while you look at them like they’re normal people – because that’s what
the game tries to convey. Yes they’re aliens, but in the words of Kaiden Alenko
(potential love interest for both female and male players) “They're not
different or special, they're jerks or saints. Just like us. I mean, if one ass
was enough to judge a whole race. I'd hate humans too."
Anyway enough of this, read on for some reasons why ladies,
you should be kicking your other half off the computer for a while and
indulging yourself in the best thing to happen to video games since Shigeru
Miyamoto thought “I’m going to create a game, with a tubby, Italian plumber as
the main character…”
Story
Right, firstly if you want some kind of in-depth thing,
there is another blog post with it all in. But this is merely to let you know
not just a brief synopsis of the story, but also what else it can offer you.
Firstly I’ll get it out of the way, the best way to give you
a short n sweet taste of the story is to first, give you the opening scrawl
from Mass Effect.
In the year 2148, explorers
on Mars discovered the remains of an ancient spacefaring civilization. In the
decades that followed, these mysterious artifacts revealed startling new
technologies, enabling travel to the furthest stars. The basis for this
incredible technology was a force that controlled the very fabric of space and
time.
They called it the greatest
discovery in human history.
The civilizations of the galaxy call it... MASS EFFECT.
So in a short little space of text,
you have the basic setting for the game. And before you even start playing,
think to yourself, do you want to be a heroine or a bitch?
Because as well as shaping your
story through the game you can shape your story pre-game by changing how you
were brought up and changing your career history. Being a Spaceborn with the
War Hero career gives you extra points in the paragon route, whereas being an
Earthborn with the Ruthless career history gives you more renegade points.
There’s a middle option as well of being a Colony born Shepard who was the Sole
Survivor of a terrible incident. But you can mix and match these things as
well.
I’m rambling. The point is, before
you even start playing, you can get a feel for how your Shepard will be.
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| Oh yeah and as you can see, you can customise how your Shepard looks... |
There is a bit of an epic main
storyline, but there are a number of rich and full characters who you can
interact with, and even romance as the game goes on. The first game is quite
limited for its romance options, which is fine – but you have even more in ME2
and potential awkward situations in ME3. I wont spill too much, but just know
that there are good options for FemShep (female Shepherd!) ((you’ll soon love
your FemShep)) to romance from brooding humans, to a super-awesome alien
sharpshooter to a gravel voiced alien assassin. Don’t worry though, it doesn’t
get all…tentacle-y, it’s all done very organically and you don’t even think
anything of it.
Again, I’m getting a bit off topic.
Let me just tell you that there are hundreds of little tales within Mass
Effect, from tales of love, revenge, sorrow, anger and even some good old
face-palming comedy. Each of these little side stories can help shape your
Shepard, like the waves of the sea shape the stones on the shore…you like that?
Anyway, the point being that you
could play it for an hour or have a nice few hours to get into it, and not be
thinking “Yawn, this is just a load of tosh.” And depending on the ways you
approach the game, the way the game plays out will be different as well with
each play though. For example, one key decision in the first game will affect
the way humans are looked at in the second game.
The Role of Women
I’m gonna be real careful now…
Women play a massive part in the
Mass Effect universe, especially since for the first real time in a game or
story ever, you can play the entire game as either a male or female Shepard.
You never hear their first name, so you can call them what you want, it has no
effect whatsoever. You could keep the default John/Jane or name them what you
want – oh actually if, or indeed, when you want to play through the game again
(all three games of course) you should change their names each time, simply so
when you transfer from Mass Effect to Mass Effect 2 then 3, you know which
Shepard to move over (if you have 3 Jane Shepard’s, it can make things
confusing!).
Anyway, the women of Mass Effect.
Firstly as I say, you can play through the whole game, as either male or female
Shepard, referred to as either Shepard or FemShep in the online world. Which
when you think about the amount of dialogue in the entire game, from chatting
to random people you walk past, to having the big conversations with big
characters – is no mean feat . Considering Mass Effect 2 has a total of about
30,000 lines of dialogue, to have 2 actors playing the main character is some
feat and a sign of their commitment to making the game appealing to the fairer
sex as well as women! (HAHAHA)
Not only that, but there is a
general consensus around the various online communities that Jennifer Hale does
a much better job as FemShep than Mark Meer does as Shep – one that I would
agree with. But anyway…
Looking at the game in detail, I’ll
delve into the history of the Mass Effect universe a smidge. In the game, the
most established, technically advanced and influential race in the galaxy is
the Asari – an all-female race. Not only that, but they are ageless and live
for around 1000 years. Neat huh?
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| Top Row From Left: Jack, Ashley, Miranda and Tali. Bottom Row From Left: Liara and Kelly. |
The first human ambassador to the
council was Anita Goyle, and one of the key people in the beginning of the game
is a young quarian female called Tali’Zorah nar Rayya - and she becomes a key member of your squad
potentially, for all 3 games.
In fact, some of the strongest, if
not THE strongest, characters in the game are women. From Ashley Williams, a
marine who’s harder than your average structural girder to Miranda Lawson, a
genetically perfect human who is headstrong and confident but shows her
sensitive side after a bit of digging (actually, certain camera angles are just
for the men…you’ll see why).
Anyway there’s more to wanting to
play than just a “hurrah!” to girl power! Of course there is!
Friends…And More?
Now, your Shepard is gonna be a
hard bitch. Whether she’s nice or nasty, after a while you won’t be able to
deny that your Shep kicks arse and takes names in her sleep – especially once
your fingers and thumbs are in perfect rhythm for doing it!!
But a hard bitch cannot always do
things on her own, which is why she needs some very capable people by her side.
But not just that, because anyone that can shoot straight and do some damage
can be capable, but that doesn’t exactly mean that you believe they’ve got your
back when you’re marching into hell. Which is why those capable men and women
you fight with, need to be your friends as well as anything else!
So do it, in between the
fire-fights and the various tasks and missions you do, get to know your squad.
Ask them about anything and everything, and pretty soon they’ll be opening up
to you. Not only that, but the more you do it with some people, the more likely
it is that they and maybe you, will want to be more than just good friends.
Establishing romances with squad-mates
is a great little diversion from the main story arc, and can make the game feel
that little bit more important. And because it’s up to you who you go for, it’s
more than just reading a relationship evolve in a book, or watching it blossom
in a movie – you’re the driving force behind it all. And hey, if you don’t like
someone, be a twat to them. They’ll still have your back…won’t they?
Immersion and Emotion
Easy for me to say as a Mass Effect
stalwart, but I can – without a shadow of a doubt – say that the Mass Effect trilogy
is the most immersive entertainment vehicle I’ve ever experienced. As good as
some books can be, as good as some TV shows or films are, none of them suck you
in quite like Mass Effect. The whole universe, from the background details and
information to the graphical background, immersion is what this game is about.
I can, of an evening, forget
everything. From any important but worrying issues going on in my life, to
work, to the boring things like what chores need to be done in the morning,
they all just disappear while I don’t just play as Commander Shepard…I am Commander Shepard.
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| Commander Shepard...Toolbox 24 Style |
And emotion, I cannot leave out the
emotions that the trilogy will evoke in you. From anxiety, to happiness,
sadness and even a little fear here and there, this game will touch each of
them and more. Hmmm…
Sci-Fi?
Well yes, I suppose that the main
genre you could stick onto it is Science Fiction. But for a game series that
from start to finish will take well in excess of 100 hours to complete, you
have to know that the trilogy is more than just a sci-fi. It’s a drama, it has
lots of comedy intertwined into it, there are parts that are really horrific,
some bits that are melancholy, it’s a thriller and obviously as well, it’s got
a ton of action. Not the Transformers style of “let’s just blow everything up
for the duration of the whole thing in the hopes that people will like it”. There
are action sequences, and rightly so, considering what goes on, but it all
feels right.
And finally…
Controversy
You may or may not have seen or
heard the amount of stink that was kicked up in 2012 after the games release of
the final game in the trilogy, Mass Effect 3. But let me reassure you. When you
get ME3, there is a free piece of Download Content called “Extended Cut” (which
I believe is only free until midway through 2014) get it before doing anything.
The original endings to ME3 were…lacklustre.
As if they had been rushed in half an afternoon the day before the game was
released. And I must admit, they left me feeling as though I would never want
to touch any of the games again. But with the EC, the ultimate ending to the
trilogy is far more tasty, far more fitting and really does give a good sense
of closure to the story arc.
The controversy that came about was
labelled as “entitled gamers” or a “spoilt kid” attitude to the world. An “I
WANT!!!!” culture. But the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. The
truth was that the majority of the people who supported BioWare (ME developers)
felt as though the game was rushed through, and pre-release promises were
abandoned. BioWare however pulled it off though, and through the free release
of the Extended Cut, rebuilt a lot of bridges.
Right…well that’s about it really,
I didn’t want to say too much with any spoilers, because the first time you
play it through should be as pure as it was for me. If you don’t like it, that’s
just fine, but if you give it a go, and think “Hey…I can really get into this!”
then I’ll feel mighty vindicated that I wrote this post.
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| Once you've played it...this is what you'll all be like when you see me. |
Thanks for reading, I’ll see you
soon!
Toolbox 24
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